For Wine and Old Formal Dresses

I was born in the 80’s, 1989 to be specific. Which until recently was a ‘Thank god, I don’t have pictures of me wearing white overalls and a scrunchy at my 17th birthday- DAMN THE 80s!- moment. But wait, what’s this? 80s is retro now? Shit.

Lucky for me Cyndi Lauper and The Go Go's are closet favourites. My love for them comes in right alongside my love for Romy and Michell's Highschool Reunion. However these nostalgic I-wasn’t-born-yet-but-I-should-of-been classics are usually only cracked out after a few wines with friends, alluring us to my wardrobe and trying on all my old formal dresses. Oh please, like we’re the only ones. Only then, when the dress(s) are on and we are dancing in my room to Whip It, can I really achieve a Pretty in Pink moment and party like its 1986. Whip it good.

However, on my recent travels through, oh I don’t know, Chelmer, I came across a song. It was on album number four of Triple J’s Like a Version compilations. It was by Saosin. It was a cover of Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time. It rocked.

I’ve always been hesitant about covers. I usually find covers are just an artist's excuse to strip back a hit song of another artist. Somehow, they think their version will sound more deep and meaningful. And yes, sometimes that works. I’ve never appreciated Beyonce’s Crazy In Love more than I did when I heard The Magic Numbers’ rendition. Their haunting harmonies actually made Crazy in Love sound musical; instead of another bootylicious princess pop song.

Most covers, however, are not as effective. Artists, instead of moulding their musicianship to the song, mould the song to their own taste and the original gets lost altogether. A prime example of this is Angus and Julia Stone’s cover of Chumbawumba's Tubthumping. I did not think that such a distinctive (and ghastly, I might add) song could ever lose its identity. But it happened, with the Stone duo stripping it back so much that it sounded just like all their other songs, and nothing like the original. Who wants that??

Well, I do actually because I hate Tubthumping. But I love Time after Time. You just can’t deny that it is a good song. I’ll agree it’s been killed a bit. I blame singing teachers and their staple favourite songs for that. But Saosin manage to make the song sound current while retaining the melody. Saosin front man Cove Reber actually makes it sound sort of sexy, and less prom night with chiffon. An impressive feat for someone so boy-band I would usually cringe at the sight of them. Finally! The next generation of artists are matching the next generation of scrunchy wearers!

P.s. I promise I’ll never, ever say bootylicious again.

Music to listen to when you want to remember your friends just the way they are

"Do you remember the time, we first met?"

I will never again be able to listen to Michael Jackson's 1992 hit, Remember the Time without hearing the voice of a close friend. A friend who will soon no longer be with us. His voice was hoarse; each word delivered with so much pain it almost brought a tear to my eye.

"Do you remember the time, when we fell in love?"

Bravely, he struggled through the hurt to give me a message he so desperately wanted me to hear.

"Do you remember the time, we first met?"

“I will kill you. Don’t doubt me. I know you’ll get married soon enough, and I will kill you on your buck’s night. I will get my revenge.”

"Do you remember the time, when we fell in love?"

It was kind of hard to take him seriously, given the amount of spit and pop-rock lube caught up in his beard. There was something bittersweet in seeing my most formative role model be wrapped from head to toe in a body-length condom and a couple hundred metres of heavy-duty plastic wrap, struggling to avoid the torments of his closest friends. Ah, the joy of buck’s nights.

"Do you remember the time?"

With the film clip reeling in at over nine minutes, MJ’s soulful epic was the perfect background to the debauchery of the night. For nine minutes, he fought. For nine minutes, he struggled to avoid various sex toys. For nine minutes he screamed with all the strength he could muster his intentions for revenge. It’d be easy to say we defiled Michael Jackson’s music that night, but sadly, he defiled his own music a long time ago now.

Sorting through cat poop for coffee beans

The first time I listened to C. W. Stoneking I didn’t think it was possible that that sort of sound could come from a white man. Surely that bluesy jazz with a twist of Caribbean calypso can only come from a black man? I was about as surprised as the first time I heard that the world’s most exclusive coffee comes from the excrement of a small Indonesian mammal that looks like a cat.

It’s true. The most expensive coffee in the world, Kopi Luwak, is made from coffee berries that have been fed, digested, and defecated by an Asian Palm Civet. It is claimed that a civet’s stomach enzymes add to flavour of the coffee. Here I was thinking people just enjoyed drinking shit.

Vietnam, Malaysia, and other parts of Southeast Asia all have similar coffee farming practices. So if Kopi Luwak is not unique, what’s the novelty value? The answer to this question is as beyond me as the reason people listen to the overly polished pop princess jingles of Miley Cyrus and Beyoncé. Then again, they’re probably the same people who think eggs are a chicken’s period.

As for C. W. Stoneking, his take on hokum blues emerged on the Australian commercial music scene in 2006, about 70 years too late to ever be chart toppers. His music has a clammy humidity that swelters in the mind conjuring simple deliriums like sitting in an old wooden rocking chair watching the world go by. The heavy layering of comedic farce makes it impossible to take old C. W. seriously, but at the very least leaves you intrigued. To me he is one of those rare coffee beans found among the kitty litter. I expect his music might even bring a smile to the rest of us who are trawling through poop all day in order to serve the rich white class a $50+ cup of coffee.

Battle hymns to scream when going to war with Centrelink

1. Black Flag- 'Rise Above'

So you've just applied for some form of government assistance, you've heard that Centrelink is a shitstorm. When I applied, I was told "don't ask them what you can get, tell them what you need". When filing an application you tell yourself that you won't be dragged down to the level of the narrow-minded pen pushers and snivelling bureacrats, just like Greg Ginn and co did on the first track of their first full-length, Damaged. Henry Rollins tearing out his throat to convey a sermon of turning the other cheek, determination and mental strength is as pertinent today applied to the context of dealing with a government organisation as it was in '81 when LA punks were victimised by the city's police. For those who demand a bit more flavour from their war chants, Rollins re-recorded the song with the help of Public Enemy's Chuck D.

2. Agoraphobic Nosebleed- 'Die and Get the Fuck Out of the Way'

Like a sleazy lothario, Centrelink hasn't called long after it promised it would. You're acutely pissed off, then you call them and that's when you really start to understand what all your friends warned you about. When you call, you get put on hold. And left on hold. When you finally talk to someone, they transfer you. You get put on hold again. When you talk to someone who knows anything about your case, they inform you that someone has forgotten to get you to fill out a form or hand in a document. Because you need to understand, dealing with Centrelink employees isn't the same as dealing with regular humans. And this means that their failure to do so will force you to return to a Centrelink office.

3. Slayer- 'Raining Blood"




Slayer's 1986 classic pumps through the veins of every disgruntled person that enters a Centrelink office, even if those people have never heard the song. Entering with a maniac bloodlust and a desire to splash internal organs over the beige walls and cheap carpet, the applicant is forced to take a seat, only then do they realise they're "Trapped in purgatory/A lifeless object, alive". As the uncomfortable chair you're sitting in kneeds your buttocks and contorts your spine, you begin to grow engrossed in the soap operas on a nearby television set, only to realise that "Awaiting the hour of reprisal/Your time slips away".

Though from the weeks and months of agitation, annoyance and encounters with arseholes, your plight is recognised and Centrelink begin to deposit money into a bank account for you. Although there's an ever-present fear that the slightest change in your situation could start the entire process again, you form an uneasy truce with Centrelink, because you're paid in full.

Music to listen to after watching Two and a Half Men.

You know it’s lowest common denominator-type stuff. You know it’s predictable, filled with cheap laughs and there’s something about Charlie Sheen that is even sleazier than Charlie Harper. But sometimes you’ve just got to push back that voice inside your head telling you western civilisation is taking a backwards step every time you laugh at Jake farting and just enjoy the show. It’s a bit like Ben Lee.

These days Ben’s albums aren’t even pretending to possess a semblance of artistry. They’re so short, simple and inoffensive I can taste bubblegum in my mouth when I listen. But there’s something refreshingly unpretentious about an artist who is unapologetic about his desire to write simple, catchy songs.

To say songs like ‘I love pop music’ are radio-friendly is to disregard the state of modern radio. Perhaps “wireless-friendly” is a more apt description. His music does seem to be more popular with Madonna King than Kyle and Jackie-O.

It wasn’t always this way for Lee, who began his career 16 years ago in Noise Addict. Early albums Something to Remember Me By, Breathing Tornadoes and hey you. yes you, cheekily bastardised pop conventions and experimented with instrumentation and modality without ever pushing the envelope too far.

Admittedly I stopped buying his CDs after Awake is the New Sleep. As a teenager the middle-class brand of whiney angst dominating 'Cigaretters will Kill You', 'I am a Sunflower', 'No Room to Bleed' and 'music 4 the young & foolish' resonated with me in the same way Silverchair’s grungier angst did. I guess Ben Lee and Silverchair both just outgrew their torment. Ben Lee found enlightenment and Daniel Johns found...well, Paul Mac?

I can’t see myself listening to much Ben Lee anymore. I suppose I’m just a little frightened if I do, I’ll catch his disease and spend the rest of my life roller-skating around the house, malted strawberry milkshake in hand, only stopping to watch Two and a Half Men before bedtime at 8:30pm.

Music to listen to when eating Burger Rings

Maybe it's because I'm poor and you can buy two packets for two dollars at the local supermarket, but lately my snack of choice has been Burger Rings, the delicious o-shaped chip that tastes, by no stretch of the imagination, anything like a hamburger. Something about this snack sends me on a shame spiral of nostalgia to the 90s. So when I went to the cupboard to get my hit of fat and cholesterol, my mind wandered to Wiseblood, a quintessential embodiment of the 1990s alt rock scene.

From their salad days as a punks from North Carolina in the 80s, Corrosion of Conformity rode the grunge metal wave to major label success after vocalist/guitarist Pepper Keenan injected some New Orleans' groove on the Blind album. Though the move saw them labelled henious sell-outs by some, C.O.C.'s new direction saw critical and commercial success on the Deliverance album. Their next effort, Wiseblood, saw the band combine the anger of Pantera, the melancholy of Alice in Chains, the groove of Jane's Addiction and the stadium friendly riffs of post-Justice Metallica (James Hetfield even has a guest vocals spot on 'Man or Ash') to create a rock and roll riff-monster that could have only been conceived in the 1990s.

A product of apathy, bong hits and laughably corny artwork, Wiseblood is C.O.C. using every trick in the book to make an album saturated with funky hooks, groovy riffs and killer beats. Tracks like 'The Door' and 'Long Whip/Big America' are driven by groovy riffs, loose basslines and badly modulated vocals. 'Goodbye Window' and 'The Snake has No Head' are simple exercises in the post-Nirvana loud/soft dynamic. Hell, in the video for Grammy nominated cut 'Drowning in a Daydream', between all the shitty visual effects and blurry shots of gas masks, Pepper even manages to LOOK like a cross between Kurt Cobain and Jared Leto. 'Man or Ash' sees lead guitarist Woody Weatherman use spicy licks to over-power Keenan's molases-thick rhythms. As the album draws to a close, contemplative closers 'Redemption City' and instrumental 'Bottom Feeder (El Que Come Abajo)' show the band's sensitive side and round out an album, that 13 years on, still proves that an album can be an obvious amalgam but still undeniably rule. Just like no one can hold it against Burger Rings that they taste nothing like their namesake. Because for Burger Rings, and C.O.C., the delicious finished product has always been too good to scrutinise the ingredients.

Music to listen to when you're not living under a rock

I love Bloc Party. I love people who love Bloc Party. I love people who love people who love Bloc Party. I understand where they're coming from! But for those who don’t know people who love Bloc Party, I’ll do my best to spread the gospel.

You may call Bloc Party dance rock, and yes, it's techno to a degree. But much too instrumental to be techno pop, mind you. Don’t you dare call them techno pop. I resentfully admit that there are a lot of Bloc Party dance remixes, which don’t help my cause- DJ Armond Van Helson’s remix of Signs being the most well known on international dance floors. That Bastard.

The game of “Sounds Like” has been won by Chemical Brothers and to a lesser extent Basement Jaxx today. That is, if you believe any of the reviews I’ve read and desired a prelude…

Bloc Party’s front man, a Mr. Kele Okereke has an incredibly distinguishable voice. Pitchy and full, it sounds like he's exorcising desperation from his stomach on every line. I can admit that in any other context Okereke’s voice would annoy the shit out of me. But his sound-like-he’s-on-the-verge-of-crying warbles work within the context of Bloc Party's quartet. The preacher-passionate throw of vocals are a refreshing and eclectic change from the robotic sounds coming from other dance music: I LIKE ELECTRO, HOUSE AND TECHNO Sssshhh!

And when the skies open and you finally hear an original Bloc Party song- the depth of instrumentation will be what warms your cold, cold heart. Always ones for the beat of the drum and the strum of the guitar, Bloc Party have taken these guiding principles to greater lengths in their new album, Intimacy.

Some have complained that Intimacy is not the original Bloc Party sound. I see where they are coming from, there is a lot less simplicity and the album reeks of over-processed, digital recording. However while it takes a few songs, in time you can really sink your teeth into it. I assume the reason for the processed sound is the layer upon layer of guitar, keyboard and drum rhythms, creating a darker and fuller sound. But I find the darkness quite rich and very attractive, like more (yes, that’s right) intimacy is required when listening to the album to figure out it’s secret. It’s confession, even…

Some may say the album is a cop out, but whenever I listen to it I say thank god.

Grind. Smoke. Sleep. Brutal Truth are back from a 10 year hybernation.

Buzz about grind legends Brutal Truth's first full-length album since 1997's Kill Trend Suicide has been growing ever since the weeded-out grinders announced in 2006 they were reforming. When word about Evolution Through Revolution began to surface late last year, speculation began to spread quicker than the Collaterial Damage video clip. Could the band live up to their previous glory? Would the replacement of riff machine Brent McCarthy with Erik Burke hamstring the band's uncompromising riff-based sound?

From what has been heard of Evolution Through Revolution (due out April 20 through Relapse), the ten years have in no way blunted the band's genius. Sure, Kevin Sharp looks A LOT more like a transient and whisps of grey are creeping in to Dan Liker's impressive mat of chest hair. But after 10 years, Brutal Truth still rule.

It's not me, it's her.

According to the one and only, Lily Allen hates being a pop star. Apparently the fame and fortune stops her practicing safe sex, with the pappies snapping her everywhere including her local chemist. But if she really is going to throw it all away (like madam says she is) and open a cake shop, her latest album isn’t telling this reviewer to hold her breath.

If you are like me, and up to your Lily Allen limits with the radio-raped singles The Fear and Everyone’s At It, don’t think the album will provide anything resembling a breath of fresh air. Back away. Seconding Alright, Still, The 12 track It’s Not Me It’s You oozes the typical Lily Allen sound. Chiming her voice through the usual paradoxical vulgar and angry lyrics may not be old to some but I’m hanging out for the day her voice varies an octave. Amusingly, before the release of the latest album, Queen Lily Myspaced her fans about her new direction, saying “I did a retro thing last time, and since I did that, a lot of other people did it too. I wanted to separate myself from the group and move forward". You know when under complete scrutiny the drum machine behind most tracks does have a more electropop sound, as opposed to the poprock sound of album number one. Touché Ms Lily.

But who could blame the darling! With all her sufferings from the slings of arrows of OUTRAGEOUS fortunes, the formula works! Alright, Still sold 2.6 million copies and reached international and critical acclaim with nominations at the BRIT, MTV and Grammy awards. So she rolled it out again and It’s Not Me It’s You debuted at number one in the UK, Canada and Australia, number two in Europe and number five in the US.

And I for one can definitely see the appeal. Sweet sounding music with fuck you lyrics goes down nicely as a poor, journalism student. It’s very easy to listen to; I’m listening to it right now! Just an afterthought…It also sounds very easy to make. A+B=C…Somehow I don’t think Lily Allen will be disappearing for a while.

You Choose YouTube

What is the world coming to when the most viewed clip on YouTube is Avril Lavigne's video clip Girlfriend? No this is not a hoax, or a joke, or a trick. With 117,549, 807 recorded views at the time of writing YouTube rates this video as the current most viewed of all time.

I feel ripped off for three reasons. First, I can't even view the stupid clip because "this video is not available in your country". Second, I can't embed another version of the clip here because embedding has been "disabled by request". Third, I searched for the most viewed clip on YouTube out of curiousity and this is what I got?

Was it unreasonable to expect something a little less shallow and a little more substantial? What is it with this clip that has made it the most viewed? What does it say about YouTube viewers?

I was introduced to YouTube back at the beginning of 2006, not long after it had officially launched in November 2005. Originally it represented a way for me to access tv and music videos on demand, without the lag of waiting for the Australian release and without the concern of pirating and illegal downloading. Today as the copyright and content restrictions are much more stringent (see here for example), YouTube has simply become a source of random entertainment and amusement. For me anyway.

Beyond my surprise that the most viewed video was in fact a music video, and not some slapstick Jackass-esque stunt, I was appauled that it was Avril Lavigne. I know the little Canadian pop punk princess is one of the highest selling artists in the United States, but I didn't realise her badly painted black nails had dug in to so many avenues. Sorry Avril, but your entertainment factor is not as high as a Charlie the Unicorn. Not that the other music videos in top 10 most viewed clips on YouTube are much better. The four other music entities are Chris Brown, Rihanna, Leona Lewis, and Alicia Keys (all of which have had "embedding disabled by request"), none of which are my cup of tea. In future I think I'll be sticking to the search function in YouTube and going by my own taste, especially when it comes to music.

Although there may be hope for the future of YouTube's most viewed, for the month of March at least. With last weeks most viewed video Extreme Sheep LED Art by BaaStuds:



Or this months most viewed video Fred Rescues the Neighbourhood Squirrels by Fred: