Too Much Testosterone for the Well Endowed

I have a confession to make: I am well endowed. Now as I'm not male, and I'm not talking about the female genitals either, then being "well endowed" can only mean one thing. Boobs. Breasts. Tits. Titties. Hooters. Melons. Juicy juicy mangoes. Ok so I'm not hear to talk about Bend It Like Beckham or fruit for that matter. But I would like to know why being well endowed entitles certain testosterone charged males to bump, grab, twist, pinch, cup, or any other form of deliberate touching without the expressed permission of the female in question?

As an avid festival/concert/gig/live music goer there seems to be progressively more of this sort of behaviour going on. Or at least I’m hearing more and more stories about it. True, not in main stream news, but certainly among friends. These incidents seem to happen in the swell of a crowd, where the majority of those around you are consumed by watching the band on stage. Perhaps the accused think we’re either too involved or too drunk to notice the “accidental” brush of their hand against our [Please insert body part of your choosing that you would find most offensive if it was being groped].

Most recent case in point is Frenzal Rhomb’s The Boys Are Back In Brown tour with Nancy Vandal. Picture The Arena, on a Friday night, with a largely male, late twenties audience throbbing with excitement about seeing a gig by a band who have been lying dormant for the last two-nearly-three years. I like my punk rock. I wasn’t old enough to be in to Frenzal when they first got big in the mid 1990’s, and had never seen them live, so it was a gig I waited for enthusiastically. I was very much looking forward to a night of getting sweaty in an exuberant mosh pit jumping up and down to Never Had So Much Fun and Russel Crowe’s Band (is a fucking pile of shit) bashed out on stage. And I was thoroughly enjoying myself up until the point where I had my chest blatantly groped by a maliciously grinning guy as he jostled his way through the crowd.

In some sort of shock I remember just staring at him in disbelief that he would do something so obviously socially unacceptable. Was it just because he thought he could get away with it? Maybe that’s the problem. Has reaching out and grabbing a girls breasts in the middle of a mosh pit become the thing to do now? Or maybe I’m just being sexist. I’ve got friends who animatedly and publicly slap the bum of a cute boy who’s caught their eye on a night out. Is it any different?

Or maybe they really are just accidents. Maybe us overly sensitive beings read too much in to things or take offence to easily. Maybe. But I’ve been in mosh pits. I know an accidental bump from a deliberate grab. And I tell you, the next time a guy, or a girl for that matter, grotesquely and deliberately invades my personal space without invitation – they’re in for a slapping. Or a kick in the pants.

No I do not have the rights to distribute this picture, I stole it from Frenzal Rhomb's myspace. Somehow I don't think they'll mind.