Music to crack Dio jokes to

Black Sabbath are an institution. I recently interviewed white rapper Necro, he said "Tony Iommi is solely responsible for the entire metal genre". Big call. After not putting out a new studio album since 1995's Forbidden (wasn't it a good idea to get Ice T involved in that?), the band's Ronnie James Dio line-up is getting back together to release The Devil You Know.

The first single from the album, Bible Black has been travelling around the internet and giving the haters something to hate on, and the rest of us something to look forward to. But when a band released their most popular music in the late 70s and early 80s, arguably the glory days of the music industry, will releasing an album now net them enough cash. The record industry has gone to hell. So has the economy. Castles and antique mega-mansions can't be cheap to maintain. Maybe the classic band can approach take a fresh approach to marketing the band. The money's not in music, it's in endorsement. Just look at Snoop Dogg. Getting hip with the new millennium, Ronnie James Dio should create some cash flow with the following endorsements.


RONNIE JAMES DEO

Vanquish the demons in your underarms. Allure the attention of a fair maiden. It's Ronnie James Deo! A fragrant elixir crafted from the cauldrons of wise witches. You'll never have to feel Paranoid about your body odour every again.

D(I)OS

In a long bygone era, both computers and people needed DOS. They would rack their brains trying to figure out exact command prompts to run programs. Now, DOS is a rarely remembered footnote in the history of computing. So from a marketing standpoint it's genius. Both the Disk Operating System and Dio are old and have generally been forgotten about. Together they could recapture silicone valley and make a truckload of money in the process.

DIOCIDE

Legendary death metal band Deicide have never reached the popular acclaim of Sabbath. Maybe that's because they release songs like 'Fuck Your God' or vocalist Glenn Benton proudly displays an inverted cross that he burnt into his forehead, either way the band could use Dio's squeaky clean image to crack the mainstream metal market and for his troubles, RJD could receive adequate compensation.

When Dio came to prominence, the music industry treated rock stars like gods and gave them truckloads of cash. With an entrepreneurial spirit, Dio and the Black Sabbath dudes could once again have trucks full of currency pull up to the moats of their castles.